


The photographer isn't supposed to be in the pictures anyway

by legendofthedwelf



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Emotional Turmoil, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Photography, Pre-Relationship, Slight Anxiety, Yoo Kihyun deserves a hug, changki rise, confusing feelings, could AO3 please fix Changkyun's name tag already, everyone needs a Changkyun, the others are there briefly, though that's only secondary, though you can see it as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 07:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15137816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendofthedwelf/pseuds/legendofthedwelf
Summary: Changkyun turned around again and started typing on his phone, leaving Kihyun unsure what he should or can do now. He really didn't want to leave, not after Changkyun showed him casually his heart and not with these feelings still running rampant in his chest. He really wanted to stay, amid Changkyun's calm aura, hopefully cleansing himself from these weird feelings he had all day.Changkyun’s studio also became a safe haven for Kihyun.





	The photographer isn't supposed to be in the pictures anyway

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to post this last week already, but my editor was busy. Also, I gave up on AO3 formatting.

 

 

"Hyung, look here."

  
Kihyun looks to the side, right into the lenses of his camera, the shutter going off in the same moment.

  
He keeps looking as Changkyun lowers the camera into his lap, over his crossed legs, frowning at it.

  
"Woah, it really doesn't look as good."

 

Kihyun frowns as well and leans over to look at the photo. It isn't bad, just the lighting in the corner of Changkyun's new studio where the couch is located isn't really convenient for photos.

  
"It's not bad."

  
"I know you're not just saying that, but still, you're just saying that."

  
Kihyun allows a faint smile to grow on his face. Changkyun rarely takes professional photos, so he's not used to it, but he's still complaining every time.

  
"I mean it. Don't worry about it, the photographer isn't supposed to be in the pictures anyway."

  
Changkyun looks up and frowns at Kihyun now, a slight pout on his face.

  
"Don't say that, hyung."

  
Kihyun shrugs. "Hey, I like taking pictures of all of you. I don't need some of me."

  
The frown doesn't disappear from Changkyun's face and he pouts at the camera again.

  
"But I want some of you..." he mutters.

  
Kihyun feels himself blush but laughs it off lightly and takes the camera away from him.

 

"If you have time I can teach you. But aren't you supposed to be working?"

  
Changkyun looks mournfully at the camera, then climbs onto his chair and rolls back to his computer.  


**MX**

  
When Kihyun decided to visit Changkyun's studio, he didn't really know why he made that decision in the first place. He felt weird, bothered, unbalanced but didn't know why, and Minhyuk was busy filming his maths show so he wasn't there to distract him. He tried going out to take pictures to distract himself, but they turned out exactly like his mood and he soon gave up.

  
He texted Changkyun out of nowhere, really. He had already been expecting him not to answer or to brush him off, but the younger surprisingly readily told him he could come visit. Making his way to the new studio with his camera, Kihyun felt both calm and nervous, as he wasn't in Changkyun's studios that often and always felt like he was intruding on the maknae's sacred alone time.

  
But when he knocked on the door it was almost enthusiastically opened and Changkyun was in front of him on his chair, rolling away to open the door and ushering him in.

  
"Hyung, I want your opinion, listen to this!"

  
Changkyun rolled to his desk and Kihyun followed, closing the door softly and taking off his shoes. The younger impatiently swung his chair back and forth and it somehow calmed Kihyun's erratic heart down.

  
Changkyun showed him a version of Drake's Fake Love with his and Hyungwon’s voices singing, something they've been working on for their tour in Europe since the stages there were too small for their Baby Shark performance. And although it's not uncommon for Changkyun to ask any of their vocals for advice in singing, albeit shyly and reluctantly, Kihyun felt somehow touched that right now he was there in the studio listening to Changkyun's singing.

  
When the track ended the rapper didn’t turn around, suddenly shy, as if expecting teasing from his hyung even though Kihyun wasn’t even in the mood to do that.

  
"It sounds really nice, Changkyunnie. It could be more stable, but I'm sure you know that. But your singing fits the song really well, especially together with Hyungwon’s voice."

  
Changkyun turned around and looked at him with raised brows. Kihyun looked down at him in return. Wordlessly and without looking Changkyun turned the song back on, carefully watching Kihyun's face.

  
It was during this second listening that Kihyun realized the lyrics and he felt his eyes go wide and his mouth drop open. Changkyun grinned, ears red but expression pleased.

  
"Seriously, Changkyun, this is, it's, wow like, you know-"

  
"Glad you like it."

  
Changkyun turned around again and started typing on his phone, leaving Kihyun unsure what he should or can do now. He really didn't want to leave, not after Changkyun showed him _casually_ his heart and not with these feelings still running rampant in his chest. He really wanted to stay, amid Changkyun's calm aura, hopefully cleansing himself from these weird feelings he had all day.

  
"You can sit down, hyung."

  
Kihyun did.

   
Changkyun was still typing, so he looked around. The studio still looked a bit bare since Changkyun didn't have time yet to bring more furniture in, and there wasn't any big lighting as well, but it was surprisingly cozy. It was also well kept and clean, Changkyun wearing slippers inside, and Kihyun made a conscious effort to just _relax_. His hands trembled slightly as he fumbled with his camera, positioning and lowering it with nervous fidgeting until he heaved a heavy but soundless breath.

  
"Changkyun?" he asked quietly. The younger hummed. "Can I take some photos?"

  
Changkyun slowly spun around, nodded to Kihyun on his way to continue one circle and then went back to his typing.

  
Kihyun went around and took photos of little things, especially the corner with the couch to try to get great pictures even in terrible lighting.

  
Changkyun called Hyungwon and talked with him about the song. Kihyun half listened and wondered why he hadn't been thrown out yet. Changkyun liked being alone, and it's not like Kihyun was of any use to him at the moment. The thought hurt somewhere in his chest and he tried to dispel it, sitting back down again and going through his gallery.

  
"Hyung, could you sing for a bit?"

  
Changkyun didn't wait for an answer and started Fake Love, but the original one. Kihyun felt somehow helpless to deny him anything.

  
He typed something again, at his phone and computer both, and Kihyun just sang, mostly distracted by his photos.

 

Long after Fake Love ended the playlist continued and quietly Kihyun sang along. He was relaxed now, the weird feelings almost gone but leaving a slight ache that was easy to ignore. He borrowed the tablet that Changkyun told him belonged to his crew and one of them forgot it to look at his photos on a bigger screen and evaluate them better.

  
Changkyun rolled towards him, music still going, Kihyun still softly singing, and took his camera. Kihyun didn't mind though. He trusted Changkyun with his camera because no matter how clumsy the younger one was, he always took uttermost care with things that are important to people.  


**MX**

  
Kihyun keeps pondering Changkyun's words, _but I want some of you_. Kihyun's feelings are an emotional rollercoaster today and he hopes that they will be normal by tomorrow, but those words make him warm and soft inside. He peeks around Changkyun's shoulders at his screen and laughs aloud when he sees him search "how to take good photos in bad lighting". Changkyun shifts but doesn't turn back, though Kihyun could be on the other side of Seoul and he'd still know that the kid’s ears are red.

  
Standing up, he slowly makes his way towards him.

 

"Show me how you sing your part, and I will show you how to take a good photo in this lighting."

  
Changkyun whines a bit but complies.

  
Sometimes Kihyun thinks about what kind of relationship he has with everyone. Though when he does he mostly thinks about Changkyun, and Changkyun and Hyungwon. Kihyun is neither jealous nor envious nor bitter, but he wonders. He wonders whether he and Changkyun really aren't that close and whether Hyungwon really knows Changkyun a lot better than Kihyun does. After all, Changkyun confides very often in Hyungwon, to the point of Hyungwon being the first to have ever heard Changkyun sing seriously and earnestly.

  
Sometimes Kihyun believes that Changkyun thinks he is annoying and deliberately flees to his studio and his crew, and that if he had acted differently he could at that moment still be with Changkyun. He doesn't like those thoughts and tries not to think them - because it happened a couple times too often that Changkyun joked and Kihyun couldn't see the joke because he was too focused on Changkyun making jokes at his expanse. They all make fun of each other, all the time, but there are moments when the jokes appear to be more biting than they actually are.

  
But then there are also times like this, when Kihyun listens to Changkyun's slightly trembling voice and softly coaches him how to do it better and Changkyun thanks him and says that he'd rather have Kihyun teach him than anyone else.

 

Hyungwon calls again, and Changkyun off-handedly tells Kihyun that he informed him about Kihyun being there and helping him with singing. The phone was put on speaker before Kihyun could react and Hyungwon’s drawl filled the space around them.

 

_“How's it going, Changkyunnie?”_

 

“Good, I think. Kihyun-hyung has been very patient.”

 

_“Kihyun, patient while teaching something? What did you promise him?”_

 

“Hey beanpole, I can hear you, you know!”

 

There is the ugly feeling rising inside of him again which he hoped he had killed for today, anxiety slowly pushing at his chest and crawling up his throat. Because Changkyun could realize any second now that Kihyun indeed is burdensome and will throw him out and Hyungwon will replace him because he is nicer and _closer with Changkyun._

 

“Are you kidding me, hyung? You're the one who told me to listen to you on repeat, then I will surely improve my part. At least Kihyunnie-hyung gives me actual advice and _stays_ to help me!”

 

Kihyun's tensed shoulders relax so suddenly he is afraid the sudden lightness would topple him over.

 

_“Yeah yeah, I know, I'm kidding. Keep complimenting him so he will make some food tonight.”_

 

“I'll make sure you won't get any food!” Surprisingly it was also Changkyun who yells that at the phone. “And, again, not helpful, hyung!”

 

For some reason Hyungwon is laughing his ass off and Kihyun really wants to put a lot of chili in the stew he planned to make today, before he remembers that Changkyun can't eat spicy food as well.

 

_“Alright, alright, I'm sorry Kyunnie. Show me what you've done today tonight, okay?”_

 

“Okay. Also, apologize to Kihyun-hyung too.”

 

_“Anyway, I have to go now, so see you tonight.”_

 

Changkyun huffs but the fact that he is annoyed _for Kihyun_ helps relax Kihyun more than anything else. It makes him feel lightheaded.

 

“Hyungwon, if you want to eat something special tonight, buy it yourself and bring it home.”

 

_“...wait, seriously?”_

 

Changkyun bends his head back and looks at Kihyun curiously.

 

“Sure.”

 

 _“...not sure where this is coming from, but thanks, will do.”_ And he ends the phone call. Changkyun is still looking at him skeptically but Kihyun just starts the track again.

 

“I think, before we change things any further, you should consult with Hyungwon first. For today you did a good job though, kkukkung.”

 

“Can I take pictures of you now?”

 

Kihyun laughs and hopes he doesn't blush.

 

“If you really want.”

 

“Yes, I want!”

 

Changkyun jumps up and runs back to the couch to fetch the camera.

 

They really don’t do these things often - just spending hours doing mundane things and playing around. Everyone has their work, their responsibilities, the company always has another thing that needs to be taken care of. Kihyun and Minhyuk talked about that once, how they and Hyunwoo don’t have studios of their own and thus don’t really an escape place like the others have. Hoseok overheard and argued that his studios are working spaces, not for fun, but Jooheon and Changkyun use their studios so often to just relax and get away from everything that Hoseok’s argument is slightly weak. Hyungwon probably uses his studio only for work since it’s quite new and he doesn’t have nearly as much work he could do there than the others have. The point is, aside from going out or relaxing at the dorm that is rarely completely empty or visiting friends and family, without a personal studio it’s quite difficult to get some time for yourself in the line of work they are in.

 

So, this - being in Changkyun’s studio of all places and taking so many photos of just everything and nothing and explaining to the rapper all the functions of his camera, something he will surely almost completely forget after today - it means an awful lot to Kihyun. Because Changkyun laughing with Kihyun, being relaxed and open and unguarded… It’s overwhelming, so much trust that was built over the years, this privilege of setting Changkyun on his chair and looking at his mature yet young face through his viewfinder, zooming in to every detail of it because Changkyun has always been so incredibly beautiful, inside out-

  
"Hyung, you okay?"

  
Kihyun looks up from his camera display and blinks at the dark eyes peering up at him. Changkyun looks slightly blurry and Kihyun’s throat burns and his head is filled with smoke and something squeezes his heart so very tightly-

 

Usually he would say yes, because he _is_. He is only in an emotional slump, that's okay, it will pass. These feelings and thoughts suffocating him will be gone by the time of tomorrow because he has no reason to feel this way in the first place, so he will just ignore them like always.

 

But he doesn't feel like dealing with it on his own for once. He can’t.

   
"No, not really, I think."

  
Changkyun frowns at him worriedly. Let no one convince anyone that the boy is always hard to read. Kihyun feels like he would start babbling any moment and crying which he _doesn't want_ but Changkyun keeps looking at him like this and-

  
Kihyun sometimes really wants to hug him. Because Changkyun is cute and soft and calm and kind and gives great hugs, even if he denies liking them.

  
"I feel unbalanced and don't know why, being here in your studio helps but I don't want to bother you since I don't really know why I'm feeling like this, I keep trying to hold back tears but I don't know where they even come from, I feel sick and anxious but I have no reason to, I want to hug someone so bad but I never actually hug people and you don't as well-"

  
Kihyun almost falls as he sits onto the couch, breathing hard. Changkyun immediately gets up from the chair with an alarmed expression on his face and Kihyun simply _can't_ anymore. He pulls Changkyun into his lap, squeezes him with his arms and buries his head in his chest.

 

Changkyun freezes for a short moment, something that would normally be enough for Kihyun to pull back and play it off as a joke, but then Changkyun's arms come around his shoulders and lightly squeeze him back and Kihyun has to take a deliberate deep breath to not pass out on the spot.

 

He _hates_ feeling like this, it makes him do stupid stuff like babbling and almost fainting and hugging their maknae until he runs out of air, but Changkyun is warm and smells like comfort and the hoodie he is wearing is actually _Kihyun's_ and-

 

“You're wearing my hoodie.”

 

“Well, you're wearing mine. “

 

_Shit, really?_

 

“I couldn't find mine this morning and yours was there, so…”

 

So Kihyun had instinctively grabbed Changkyun's hoodie this morning because he was feeling crappy and knew Changkyun would bring him comfort? What even _is_ he?

 

Kihyun mutters a few swear words into Changkyun's chest and Changkyun laughs. He _laughs._

 

He isn't mad or disgruntled, he is laughing and running one hand through Kihyun's hair and when exactly did they get so close that that feels natural?

 

Kihyun sighs and slowly pulls away. Although he really doesn't want to look into Changkyun's face, sure that his own was bright red and his eyes puffy from holding back tears.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbles, looking somewhere near Changkyun's chin.

 

“Don't be,” he retorts, grin still audible in his calm voice, “You're cute, hyung.”

 

Kihyun pinches him lightly in the side, trying to get some control back but really, he only wants to not think anymore, to hear Changkyun squeal and attempt to free himself. The younger tries to get off his lap but Kihyun holds tight, laser focussed on keeping the boy close and only thinking about that and nothing else. Changkyun tries to hit him but he catches the hand, letting go of his waist and giving him the chance to throw himself on the spot next to him on the couch. Kihyun could let it end here but it's too good of a distraction to pass up. He pounces on the rapper, earning himself a high-pitched shriek right in his ear but he really, _really_ doesn't care.

 

They continue like this for a few more minutes and Kihyun can't remember when the last time was he made Changkyun laugh this hard.

 

 _Gosh,_ is he sentimental and whiny today.

 

They collapse onto each other in a pile of limbs on the couch, Changkyun giggling under his breath and Kihyun content to bask in the moment, closing his eyes.

 

“Are you feeling better, hyung?”

 

Kihyun doesn't know. But he knows that he wants to spend as much time in this moment as possible, and hopefully he will be alright before they make their way to Europe.

 

(“Kihyun, I want to eat shrimps today.”

“Cool, make it yourself.”

Minhyuk almost spits out his food and Hoseok stops with his chopsticks raised halfway to his face.

“What the hell?! You said I should bring whatever I want to eat today!”

“Yes, and you did.”

“Aren't you making it for me?!”

“Did I ever say that?”

Changkyun is laughing so hard he has to hold onto the fridge to not fall over.

“Oh, come _on_!”

“No.”

“You made Changkyun food!”

“At least Changkyun respects me.”

Changkyun leaves to laugh in the living room and Kihyun carries their food after him, still ignoring Hyungwon’s pissed off whining and grinning to himself.”)

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So, the thing is that ever since the Amsterdam concert and my Hi Touch I've been an emotional wreck with random outbursts into tears, self-pity and remembering what happened and dying of embarrassment. I wrote this to try to deal with my pathetic ass. (Also I'm still not recovered, how do you recover from seeing MX live?)
> 
> Edit 19.05.19: Someone told me after I uploaded this that Hyungwon doesn't call Kihyun "Hyung" and like, I knew that, I was aware of that but I never changed it here. So now I did, because it simply sat wrong with me hhhh
> 
> Feel free to not succumb to creators' call of checking out their messy social accounts.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](https://ki-chang.tumblr.com)  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/nakama284)


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